


Professional Sims

by The Hag (hagsrus)



Category: The Professionals
Genre: M/M, sims
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-05
Updated: 2014-02-05
Packaged: 2018-01-11 06:17:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1169686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hagsrus/pseuds/The%20Hag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two stories based on the original Sims game</p>
            </blockquote>





	Professional Sims

**Author's Note:**

> Way back in 2000 or thereabouts a bunch of us played the original Sims game. It was very flexible, allowing custom characters, and the artistic talent came up with a very nice Bodie and Doyle, along with various other fan characters.
> 
> Other original add-ons were produced by an enthusiastic larger community of players, including such niceties as "clothes" that appeared as a nude body with erection.
> 
> The first expansion pack, Enlargement, added a bed which could be "played in", the participants ducking under the covers and heaving about, a bit like cats hiding under the sheets.
> 
> A later pack was Hot Date, allowing one character to invite another "downtown."
> 
> The first story was published in Motet 4 (Keynote Press) and included a charming selection of screen caps by the publisher, not practical to reproduce. If you want to get an idea see the PDF version of Bodie's Christmas dream at The Hatstand http://tinyurl.com/6bf49a or the Circuit Archive http://www.thecircuitarchive.com/tca/archive/8/bodieschristmas.pdf
> 
> The second story was written for the Sims list a couple of years later.
> 
> I stopped playing because the game absorbed far too much time, and anyway the later versions didn't allow for the customization that made the original such fun for me.

Enlargement  
by The Simhag

 

"They let me drive the car to work this morning," Bodie announced gleefully.

Doyle looked up from watering the daffodils. "Makes it all worth while, does it?"

Bodie shrugged. "Have to bide our time, Ray." He started towards his partner but halted abruptly. "Sod it." He turned and made for the mailbox. "Why can't they stick the letters through the front door instead of this flippin' Yank system?"

"Feel so bloody helpless." Doyle kicked the lawn flamingo irritably. "Look at the poor old Cow doing the washing up, and Murph playing with that perishin' doll's house."

Bodie took the post inside and dumped it next to the computer, then braced himself for the next CLICK. "I'd have paid the bills, you silly bitch," he muttered. "Stop _prodding_ me all the time. Worse than being bloody married." He trudged back out to the mailbox.

"Nasturtiums and daffs," Doyle was grousing. "Can't even get the seasons right."

"Cheer up." Bodie produced the new knife-juggling set. "Look what I found at that Killersims shop. You reckon we could fight our way out with these?"

"Can't hang on to anything, can we?" Doyle's mood was heading rapidly into jaundiced yellow. "Watch it, don't want one of them through my foot."

"Well, at least we can have a cuddle," Bodie suggested hopefully.

"Inside, then. Right out in the open -- gives me the willies."

"Used to have willies, didn't we," Bodie mourned. "Oh christ, change clothes again."

"Wish She'd change me." Doyle's mood veered still further from green. "You look a right berk going round in those underpants with hearts on, but at least She changes you to evening dress when you get home. She's had me in this daft Superman outfit for days." He followed Bodie into the dubious privacy of the bedroom. "Shit, hear that? That sort of maniac giggle when She's been shopping and found something She thinks is cute? Probably got you a tutu - no, it's me - bloody hell!"

Bodie gulped. "Is that a -- ?"

"Yeah." Doyle stared down at himself with a mixture of horror and delight."

"A hard-on?"

"Feels like it. Bugger it, my balls are blue enough without that," Doyle muttered. "Driving me spare, hugging, kissing, listening to you snoring down my earhole all night, and not -- "

"Oops! Here's mine! Hey, She gave me an extra inch!"

"Well," Doyle said gloomily, "lookin' at it's all you'll be able to do. Sod it, now I've got to pee. How do I -- ?"

Bodie grinned. "And you've got to traipse all the way through the living room to the loo first. Right past Murph and the Cow."

"Then I'll stay here and -- "

"You're a right misery after you piss on the floor. Look, I'll go with you, all right?"

"Bad as a couple of birds, I dunno." Doyle heaved his best martyred sigh. "Why can't She give us an en suite bog?" He turned in the mysterious direction where She Who Must Be Obeyed lurked and waved frantically. It sometimes worked.

"Always getting caught short," Bodie agreed. "Remember that time She shoved the potted palm in front of the door when I was in there and went off somewhere and I was stuck inside for two days? Bloody stupid not being able to shift anything. I nearly starved to death."

"And the rest of us making puddles all over the place. Don't know why we can't just nip out behind a tree. Or use the palm pot. And last time those blokes from next door showed up they spent hours in there with Murph just rabbiting on and nobody else could use the bog because of this privacy thing. Inconsiderate bastards."

"I think Murph and Blair fancy each other," Bodie speculated.

"Right." Doyle grinned maliciously. "You see when Jim clobbered Murph out by the barbecue?"

"No, I missed that." Bodie's professional interest in all things belligerent was aroused. "Did they do that cloud of dust thing?"

"Just a slap in the face - Murph was bloody near crying, though. Never thought I'd see the day. Anyway, that Blair fancies everyone. Even saw him trying to flirt with the Cow once. Come on, then, if we're going. Before I do go."

"Keep your pecker up."

"Ha bloody ha!"

"See that?" Bodie demanded gleefully when they had reached the safe haven of the bathroom. "If you can't hide it, flaunt it. Red with envy, the pair of 'em."

Doyle positioned himself in front of the lavatory. "Hey, it went down! That's better...huh, now it's gone back up again." He washed his hands in the basin, then cleaned his teeth for good measure.

Bodie experimented successfully, then froze at the all too familiar CHANGE sensation. "Hell, _now_ what's She done?"

"She's shoving me back to the bedroom." Doyle glowered but had no choice.

"Me too." Once again they paraded past their dumbfounded colleagues. "That's new, that white piano. Didn't know Murph played. Not bad."

"You ever get a lugful of Cowley when he gets going on the electric guitar? Never thought -- Urghh! Talk about monstrosities! Must be part of this new Living It Up Large thing."

"Cor. If I had my fur bedspread -- " Bodie stared enraptured at the latest apparition.

"That's all we need. Look at that soddin' great heart, will you!"

Bodie investigated." "Look, there's one of those vibrating arrangements. Need a coin -- "

Doyle blinked incredulously. "Where did you get that, then?"

"You don't want to know," Bodie assured him, popping the coin into the slot and sliding under the lurid purple coverlet. "Ooh, nice ... you know, Ray ... I get the feeling we could actually ... "

Doyle considered his own sensations. "Could be right. Want to give it a try?"

 

A while later he concluded: "Well, that was something like. Never made those noises before, did you? Mind you, it's a bit stuffy right under the covers like that."

"At least the Bitch couldn't see us doing it."

They climbed out of bed and embraced happily.

"Still got 'em, though." Doyle shook his head, bemused. "No, She's changing us -- "

"Swimming trunks." Bodie shrugged. "Well, I fancied a dip anyway. You?"

"No, I ... my head's a bit clearer now," Doyle said. "I'm going to have a word with the Genie. Madame Thingy in the crystal ball gave me a bit of dirt on him."

"Oh, not that, Ray! Half the time we end up with the house on fire!"

"Desperate measures, sweetheart." Doyle stalked grimly out.

Bodie retreated to the safety of the pool. At least he could be surrounded by water if the house went up in flames. Murphy and Cowley were relaxing in the hot tub, so they should be all right, though it might get a bit hotter than they expected.

When hunger drove him to venture back inside he found Doyle sitting at the computer, exhausted but grinning smugly. "Come and have a shufti at this, sunshine," he yawned.

"Your energy's right into the red." Bodie peered at the screen. "Never seen the Bitch look so gobsmacked. You do something?"

"Got the Genie to set up a feedback loop. Quantum tunnelling." Doyle leaned back and uttered a raucous chuckle. "Bloody hard work, but I got the control flow reversed just long enough. I blocked the way to Her loo with a chair and She couldn't shift it, same as we can't. She peed on the floor. Negotiate from strength. She's putting in another bathroom now. It's a start, anyway."

 

The Hot Date Syndrome  
by The Simhag

"The bloody maid's got stuck in the shower," Doyle said grimly, looking up from the easel.

"Stuck?" Bodie paused on his way to the chess table.

"He's been cleaning it for hours. Y'know, we never had problems with the first maid, the bird in the frilly outfit."

"Can't Herself fix it?"

Doyle shrugged. "She's been on at me all afternoon to try dismissing him, even tried firing him, but all I get is 'no action available, no action available'. And I bet we're getting charged for the maid's time, an' all." He smeared a final stroke of paint and added with disgust, "It gets bloody boring painting other people's pictures all the time. I keep trying to do one of you in that little glittery thong but no, it's always perishing Mondrian or -- "

Bodie sat down and started on a chess problem. "Good thing we've got the bath, then."

"Well, you got stuck in that, didn't you? Herself went and bought a floor lamp and plonked it down in the way so you couldn't get out, then She couldn't shift it because it was in use. Silly cow -- went and evicted us. I'd have knocked through the wall and built a bit of an extension so you could get out the other side, but She hasn't got the brains of a retarded MI6 agent. Hasn't even caught on to the 'move objects' cheat. She could do with a few chess problems to get Her IQ up to subnormal."

"Belt up, Ray, you know how ratty She gets when we piss Her off," Bodie warned uneasily. "She never did give you back the computer or the genie after that control feedback loop you rigged up to trap Her in Her loo. It's bad enough She flogged the love bed and stuck us in those two singles, then made us walk round naked for days with hard-ons. I felt a right prat at work."

"Well, at least we got better bathrooms after that," Doyle reminded him. "And She gave us the heart-shaped hot tub -- that's something new, isn't it?"

"If you'd find a job, mate, and get out of the house a bit, instead of loafing about in your pyjamas all day, you might keep in touch with current events. Down at the Campaign office it's all Hot Date this, Hot Date that, what will the voters think, blah blah blah -- "

"Oh, is that what it is?" Doyle sold the painting and joined Bodie at the chess table. "Well, I'm waiting for something I can get interested in. I don't want to get mixed up in politics. They're bound to offer the police job one day. If we had the computer -- "

"We don't, though. And we could use the money, you know. She's not lashing out with the old Rosebud cheat the way She used to. I fancy going to this new Downtown and having a drink and a restaurant meal and seeing what there is to buy. Might be something useful."

"Like a Swiss roll, I suppose?"

"Swiss roll..." Bodie sighed. "There's never anything like that here. No, but what if there's -- well, say a grenade launcher? If we could get it aimed just right -- "

"Dream on, sunshine. You know the real problem, don't you?"

"Everything. No sex, no cakes, no guns -- "

"No, what it is, She's got writer's block. Like constipation and pre-menstrual tension and sinus congestion and hot flashes all in one go. That might be the answer. If we go on one of those Hot Dates and get Her interested again -- "

"Can't afford it."

"Ah." Doyle grinned. "I got a phone call saying I'd sold one of my inventions. Nearly didn't answer it after the last two - some moron saying I should wear autumn colours and that cretin trying to palm off a baby on us. So we've got a few quid to spare. Want to give it a try?"

Bodie grimaced. "Based on experience, I'd plan on a bunch of nasty little surprises, sunshine."

"Well, we need to get our edge back." Doyle pushed his chair back and allowed Bodie to Invite Him Downtown.

In the unfamiliar excitement of getting into the cab it didn't occur to him that he should have changed out of his pyjamas.

 

"Landgrab Mall," Bodie suggested. "Look, there's shops and food courts."

"Hey, there's Jim and Blair. There's Starsky and Hutch. There's Bella Goth. There's -- ugh, the Cow in his swimming trunks."

"Ignore them. There's not time. If we start socialising we'll never get anywhere."

"Let's go and get a proper meal..."

 

"Wish I'd put some regular clothes on," Doyle grumbled.

"Don't know why you're worrying, mate. Pyjamas are respectable considering the Bitch made me -- "

"Yeah, yeah, go to work naked with a hard-on, I know. But I'm fed up with them."

"Well, let's go and see if we can get you something else then."

They tried on. Bought Doyle a pair of jeans (not tight enough) and a shirt. While Doyle went to the bathroom Bodie purchased a yellow rose, then they headed to the sweets display.

"Chocolate assortment!" Bodie exulted. "Look, it's got nuts, cherries, and ... ergh ... chocolate-covered ants! Sod that. What else is there?"

"Let's try a lollipop."

"Gawd only knows what that'll be like -- strawberry slug, I expect."

"Ice cream?" suggested Doyle.

"I don't even feel I've had that much fun," Bodie groused a little while later, "and I'm bloody starving, even after that two-course meal and the ice cream. I'll try the gut-buster next time. And go somewhere we can get a drink. Wasn't much use, was it? Nothing useful I could see. Let's go home."

"I just want a shufti at that fountain," Doyle said. "Go on, make a wish. I can't, you've got all the money. Did you know about that? Being in charge, I mean? Me being stuck trailing along being bought stuff like some kind of bloody toy boy?"

"I swear I didn't, Ray. Well, you Invite me and get your innings next time. Wish what?" Bodie glumly tossed a coin into the fountain.

"Wish that She'd get a story finished and give us back the love bed."

Bodie stared at him. "Do you think it'll work?"

"Worth a try."

Bodie made the wish.

 

They got out of the cab and stood looking round, slightly dazed, then headed for the bedroom hoping for the eye-hurting vision of the red heart on a big purple bed.

"Didn't work," Bodie sighed.

"No - but look, at least She's swapped the singles for a double."

"She's probably going to make us save up for the love bed. That'll take some doing."

"Well," Doyle said heroically, "I'll get a job tomorrow, even if it's just a waiter again. We'll have to wait a bit before we can go splurgin' money downtown again. Wait - waiter - "

"Hilarious." Bodie made for the bathroom. "Oh, shit. We should have wished that the maid would get unstuck from the shower."

"Cheer up, sweetheart. You go and have a nice soak in the bath and I'll do us a good home-cooked dinner. If Herself hasn't gone and confiscated the stove."

"Hang on a minute. Look," said Bodie, "I'm not wanting to give you any toy boy feelings, but -- "

He presented Doyle with the yellow rose.

Doyle seized Bodie in his arms and bent him backwards in a long, passionate kiss.

"Bloody hell! That's a new one!" Bodie gasped. "What else can we do short of fucking?"

"Bath, dinner, then let's find out," said Doyle. "I bet She wants to know too. I expect She's writing us a happy ending with the love bed back at this very moment."

"She's not, you know." Bodie caught Doyle into a desperate hug. "Here comes the bloody bulldozer! See you next game, sunshine!"

[end]

2002 [slightly edited 2007, 2014]


End file.
